Food Friday with Kat 3

By Kat 3
Morning Scratch reporter


I'll eat almost anything ....

But, BARF-O!! Ack! Quick! Give me milks! I need to get this taste out of my mouth!!

Thursday Thirteen, Edition 3

Thirteen things we did when we didn't have Internet last Thursday and Friday.

1. Cleaned up

2. Guarded the house.

3. Stole Mom's pickle.

4. Said "sorry" for stealing Mom's pickle.

5. Practiced playing guitar for upcoming beauty competitions.

6. Helped Mom with dishes.

7. Broke into the tortilla chips and threw a Mexican-themed party!

8. Bugged out looking for bugs.

9. Spent hours on the phone trying to fix our Internets.

10. Looked up favorite recipes.

11. Went grocery shopping so we could cook our favorite recipes.

12. Played bitey games.

13. Danced! Danced! Danced!

— Morning Scratch staff

Wide Body Wednesday

The Morning Scratch is committed to correcting errors or clarifying information that appear in the newspaper. Those interested in contacting the paper for that purpose can send an e-mail to themorningscratch AT gmail.com.

Clarification

In a Wide Body Wednesday article published March 21, the condition of Aunt Rudy wasn't made clear. She is, in fact, very wide. The fluff and foof is an illusion. She's a very big lady. Indisputable evidence: She can't fit through the cat door to the garage anymore; a human has to open the big door for her.

Here's another photo of her, which illustrates her mighty wideness.

Aunt Rudy

— Bogdan, Morning Scratch editor

Tongue Tuesday

By Bogdan
Morning Scratch editor


I'm busy at the office today. Nothing to report!

... now where's that cigar ... mmmm catnip goodness ... I know it's here somewhere....

Me-me-Meezer Monday

By Kat 3
Morning Scratch reporter

It's Meezer Monday, so it's all about me, Kat 3, who has Siamese ancestors.

This is one of my favorite spots: a kitchen table chair. I wait here for the food.

Here are some things about me:
• I really like food.
• I talk a lot.
• I mean, I really talk a lot.
• I have a "hook" at the end of my tail.
• I keep my young-looking complexion by staying positive and having tons of fun!

Excuse me. I'm being interrupted. Uhm, Bogdan, get outta here.

It's my turn to report!

OK. Back to me.
• I had respiratory issues as a youngster, and so my little nose is damaged. It makes it so that I snore when I sleep. It also makes lots of noise when I'm sniffing really hard to find smells.
• I like to party!
• Sparkly crunchy balls are my favorite toys.
• I sneeze a lot and get my boogers on the walls and furniture.
• I think belts are really scary. I hiss at them.
• I looooove food.
Excuse me ...

I warned you, Bogdan!

MY TURN! IT'S MY TURN TO REPORT!

Shelter Sunday

We now go to the Morning Scratch's Miss Sara, reporting today from the cuddly cup in the living room.

By Sara
Morning Scratch reporter

Cats of the Household are sometimes left alone at home while investor Mom goes to pet OTHER cats.
Since the move to the new Morning Scratch facility, investor Mom and the man Dad have been going to The North County Humane Society animal shelter to pet and groom OTHER kitties. It's a no-kill, cats-only shelter, according to Morning Scratch sources.
Investor Mom and the man Dad return to the Morning Scratch facility with funny smells, and Bogdan gets very upset.
"How dare they get other cats' smells on their shoes!" Bogdan said, while throwing newspapers off his cat tree. "Those are my shoes! I marked them first!"
Investor Mom and the man Dad don't know all the kitties' names yet, but here are photos of a few of the friends they made there.

Editor's note

"I've been on the phone with you for hours, and I still can't publish my newspaper!" Mr. Bogdan tells a customer service representative. "I'm losing my patience, and quite possibly my readers!"

By Bogdan
Morning Scratch editor

The Morning Scratch was unable to go to print the past few days because of Internet problems.
AT&T inadvertently deactivated Internet to the new facility. According to Morning Scratch sources, there was some confusion over a phone number change.
After many hours on the phone, the problem has reportedly been fixed. Every aspect of the Morning Scratch's printing press appears to now be up and running — even its staff.
"We should be able to continue our regular delivery schedule starting Sunday," said Kat 3, Morning Scratch reporter.

Wide Body Wednesday

By Bogdan
Morning Scratch editor

Here is Rudy, the aunt I tormented at grandma's house, which made it so that I was banned from visiting.

She is on a diet.

Taking The Day Off Tuesday

*yawn*



We're calling in sleepy.

Man Cat Monday

Hey, you! Go away!

Yeah! That's right! You just keep walking. And don't come back!

Get well soon, Earl Grey and Titus!

We here at The Morning Scratch sure hope Earl Grey and his brother Titus feel 100% very soon. Purrs.

They left us so they could hang out with some nuts

Here are walnuts from last year's harvest at Patches' ranch.

By Bogdan
Morning Scratch editor

The investor and the man left the Cats of the Household home alone for a few days recently. The editor, of course, kept everything under control (by eating everyone's food).
The two humans reportedly left to go visit human and animal family living in California's Central Valley. Before there were three cats in the Household, the editor went on all visits; however, the investor says traveling with three felines is too difficult.
Plus, Kat 3 hates the car and once broke off a carrier's door in a panic. The investor says Kat 3 has claustrophobia.
"No, I don't!" Kat 3 whined. "I just don't like such a small space - that's all."
The editor has told Kat 3 to look up claustrophobia in a dictionary.
Also, the cats are no longer allowed in the human grandparents' house after the editor got stuck behind the washing machine, spilled hot tea all over grandma and the new carpet, escaped the house twice, and tormented Aunt Rudy the cat until she wouldn't come into the house from the garage. The editor denies any and all accusations.
The Morning Scratch acquired exclusive photos from the humans' trip.

Great Aunt Patches has a walnut ranch. Right now all the trees are bare. Harvest is in October. Here she is watching over the trees. She's a very busy woman and has great business sense.


Because the oven wasn't working at the ranch, the humans grilled the take-and-bake pizza. It was the man's idea, and it worked just fine, the humans reported.


Patches also keeps horses at her ranch. Here they are, eating grass. The editor wonders whether they puke, too, after eating the yummy grasses.


This pond also belongs to Patches. She uses it to irrigate her many acres of walnuts. She had her humans build it for her so that she wouldn't ever be without water when the trees are hungry. Talk about planning. She is quite the entrepreneur.

ADVERTISEMENT: Buy Diamond and Emerald walnuts! YUMMY!

TO EVERYONE: Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Food Friday, with Kat 3

"Milk for me?" says Kat 3. "No, not for you," says Mom.

Thursday Thirteen, Edition 2

This is a photo of me yearning to go outside before the move to the new Morning Scratch facility. I've had a discussion with my investor about being more proactive in taking photos for the newspaper. It's ridiculous that I must use file photos.

With warm days upon us, I've been thinking of the wonderful feeling of grass between my toes. Other cats have launched Strolling Season. I don't have a stroller, but I do have a too-small-for-my-now-bigger-belly harness, with leash. I've submitted a buy request to my investor for a new harness. I'm sure she'll find the money for it; we can always cut back on supplies for Kat 3 and Sara, if we're short on cash.

I've been thinking of:

1. Marking my territory. With the move recently to the new Morning Scratch facility, I've yet to mark my backyard as mine.

2. Eating grass and puking

3. Chasing bugs

4. Hurting bugs

5. Eating bugs

6. Sniffing the fresh air while on the other side of the window screen.

7. "Fertilizing" the garden

8. Walking the yard with my investor -- alone time to talk about my business goals without Kat 3 and Sara butting in.

9. Lying in the wheelbarrow.

10. Lying at my investor's investor's feet while he relaxes in the backyard, too.

11. Well, really, lying anywhere I want in the backyard.

12. Trying to climb over the fence into the neighbor's yard fast enough that I'm not caught and put back on the ground.

13. Eating grass and puking

-Bogdan, editor, The Morning Scratch

Working on Wednesday (Staff Meeting)

Sara and Kat 3 intently listen to Mr. Bogdan during today's Morning Scratch staff meeting.

Because I was feeling better, I rounded up the workers and held our first staff meeting this morning. Having everycat on the same page is important. As you can see, Sara and Kat 3 are taking their assignments very seriously. During the meeting, we also decided to leave all business affairs to our investor so that we can focus on responsible, community-based journalism, such as advocating for fair treatment in the Household (more food bowls and toys) and for government-mandated recreation time (someone buy me a new harness, already!).

-Bogdan, the editor

Feeling sickly

There must be a bug going around California. Skeezix has been sick, and I've been feeling under the weather, as well. I also was shoved into a "prizzin box" and taken to the V-E-T. I returned home, but with antibiotics, which taste absolutely terrible. My investor and typist has also been feeling bad, so unfortunately she hasn't been helping me much with typing. I hope to start posting regularly again later this week.

Get well soon, Skeezix!

-Bogdan, editor

I'm a Winner Wednesday

"What? What? I won TWO prizes?" Bogdan said.

LOCAL CAT IS VICTORIOUS

By Bogdan, editor
Reporter Kat 3 contributed to this report

Cat of the Household Bogdan, the editor of The Morning Scratch, emerged Wednesday a winner.
Before this time, his winnerability was in question, as he had never won anything before.
Bogdan won the "Where in the World is DKM?" contest on the Diva Kitty & the Fluffies blog by successfully guessing DKM was in Sparks, Nev. He will receive a kitty goodie bag.
Also, he received Honorable Mention in the Friends of Skeezix "How I Got My Name" contest on Catster. He was given 20 Zealies for that honor.
"I guess it's just a Bogdan kind of day," Bogdan told Morning Scratch reporter Kat 3, who is assisting the editor in writing this story to diffuse any conflicts of interest that may arise by the winner, well, writing about himself winning.
"I'm quite surprised and honored. And I sure like winning, I'll tell you that much," Bogdan continued. "It's awfully nice of kitties and their people to hold contests and give away prizes."
Bogdan praised all entrants in both contests and spoke highly of the winners of the FOS contest, Ele' and Gimmie.
"They sure had good stories. And a sense of humor, to boot."
Bogdan also said he would like to thank Skeezix and DKM for holding exciting contests that he could win.

Bogdan's "How I Got My Name" entry:
I was named Bogdan by my rescuer after the musician Bogdan Raczynski. My investor, who is demanding I also call her Mom, kept the name because she says it makes me a Polish cat, and she's a quarter Polish. She also lets me eat human Polish food. Perogi, anyone?

Obituary: Fish, 2002-2007

Family photo taken Dec. 20, 2006: Clockwise from left, Fish, Bogdan, Sara and Kat 3.

Three goldfish and a suckerfish, all of California and at least four years old, died within the last few days in their tank they've called home since 2002. They lived happy, long lives, moving several times with the family, sometimes as far as several hundred miles. The last move several weeks ago proved to weigh on them too heavily physically, the family said.
The family tried using antibiotics to clear them of medical conditions they had developed but were unsuccessful.
"I will miss them," Kat 3 said. "I would sit on top of their tank and watch over them, sometimes spending so many hours there with them that I would fall asleep."
Funeral services were held in the backyard.

Made by a Meezer Monday

The Morning Scratch recently moved to a new facility. While Bogdan is busy resting up to cover the big stories (at least that's what he says), I'm setting up the place.

My first project is the table in the living room. Here I am making sure all of the pieces have arrived. I also checked all the holes in the wood for food - just in case. (By the way, there wasn't any food. Phooey.)

Even though I am an experienced catpenter, I always study the directions.

What? ...... Duh. I know the directions are upside down, silly!

And, poof! I'm done. My Meezer muscles got a bit of a work out. I think it's time to relax and admire my work. Where's my after-building-table snack??? Service, please! Teehee.

(Preparing for) Fashion Show Friday

Because I am a professional model, I must practice, practice, practice.
The aspects of modeling I believe to be the most important are grooming and catwalk walking. I shall demonstrate:


Walking: This is not my best turn, but as you can see, I try to keep a nice curve to my tail as I make my catwalk twirl. I also make eye contact with my audience. A lot of professional models don't do that, but I also want to be a movie star like Daisy, so I think eye contact is important in case a big-time director is watching.



Grooming: As a model, you must always look your best. That means many hours of your day are devoted to cleaning yourself or having someone groom you. Also, you must always be surrounded by gifts from other people to show how important you are. These gifts are from Scooter. OK, so they weren't all for me, but Kat 3 doesn't seem to mind. (And there she is admiring me.)

Thursday Thirteen

Here I am, preparing to take notes for my next big newspaper assignment.

This is The Morning Scratch's very first Thursday Thirteen.

Here are thirteen headlines The Morning Scratch staff hopes to write in the next year, with the contributor in parenthesis.

1. Cats take over MTV, launch own slew of reality shows. (Sara)

2. The never-ending food bowl is discovered in the rain forests of Brazil. (Kat 3)

3. Everything is on sale at www.2dogsandacat.com/. (Sara)

4. Cat wins "American Idol." (Bogdan)

5. Mu shue Pooh King Cat starts selling his "chicky-flavored cat nip." (Bogdan)

6. Dishwasher breaks; Kat 3 hired as replacement. (Kat 3)

7. Jeter Harris interns at The Morning Scratch under pseudonym Jimmy Olsen. (Bogdan)

8. Cats turn video cameras on humans, show embarrassing footage on "America's Funniest Home Videos." (Bogdan)

9. Skeezix is biggest craze to hit Japan since Godzilla. (Kat 3)

10. Water baths are outlawed. (Bogdan)

11. Airlines debut "furrrst-class," in which cats and other animals get special treatment while flying to all their important engagements. (Sara)

12. To stay in shape, 23 hours of sleep each day is necessary, researchers find. (Bogdan)

13. All corners of the universe are fitted with self-scratchers. (Kat 3)

The staff at the Morning Scratch would like to thank everyone for the great welcoming you've given us! It's much more than we expected. We'll visit you all soon!

P.S. We haven't figured out how to do that linky thing that's on everyone else's Thursday Thirteen.
P.P.S. We also haven't figured out why visual verification doesn't work for us, making it so we can't post comments some places!